Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  KingNickolas on Thu Oct 07, 2010 4:45 pm

What I mean is just that things shouldn't get too off topic in other places.
So blade, we can continue our conversation here, that way bor can see our decision. -.-

{Z}BlAdE wrote:
kingnickolas wrote:
Bor. wrote:
{Z}BlAdE wrote:
{Z}BlAdE wrote:NO captain.

That's not possible... You need a captain.

In that case I'll just be the captain.
I won't be too imposing guys. Don't worry.
First off, IT IS POSSIBLE, we are three the captains, which makes none of us the captain. Second... I think I should be the captain, BUT ONLY WHEN WE ARE ON A REGULAR SERVER, because I have played a lot on regular servers and have become pretty good at them. I fucking hate KorX, and just so you know, this will be the only tournament I EVER play on until you get a regular server, kind of like PureTremulous servers.

The tournament will be in korx gba addition.
Anyways, it doesn't matter who is the leader, as long as the leader gives everybody equal rights.
I just volunteered because i thought it would clear up the matter, and keep the thread short as possible. I probably should have just PM'd you and duc.
Don't worry about it dude. I'm sure we will do good. Wink

Also, sorry to everybody else who would think this is spam. It is not meant to be so.


Last edited by kingnickolas on Sun Oct 10, 2010 1:21 am; edited 1 time in total
avatar
KingNickolas
Bouncing Granger!
Bouncing Granger!

Posts : 2005
Join date : 2010-07-29
Age : 105
Location : Dead, just for luis.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  DucTape on Fri Oct 08, 2010 4:20 pm

I don't really care who leads. Go ahead if you want to King.
avatar
DucTape
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 389
Join date : 2010-07-28
Age : 24
Location : Keeping the Humpers away from my Glameows

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  {Z}BlAdE on Sat Oct 09, 2010 8:11 am

Me neither. I don't care about the name anymore either. So it is all up to you King. Just remember, if our next tournament is in KorX, I WILL NOT play in it. I hate KorX... It favors aliens too much.
avatar
{Z}BlAdE
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 394
Join date : 2010-08-08
Age : 20
Location : Texas, U.S.A.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

No, this is REAL off topic, get it right. Stop staying on topic.

Post  Unforgiven7120 on Sat Oct 09, 2010 11:42 pm

There was a time when I blew up a caterpillar, he turned into a butterfly and I realized that my improvised explosive device only had one charge. So armed only with my fists and a knife that I completely forgot to mention, I summoned the Old Spice Guy and he serenaded the butterfly into OBLIVION!!! He then gave the butterfly a proper funeral and then without even undressing, or moving, he impregnated every woman that attended the butterfly's funeral. Never before has such a catastrophic series of fortunate events has been witnessed by myself, so I decided to go home and masterbate for a bit until I got bored. Then I walked out into my pool and attended to my massive undead squid army. They're undead because I forgot to attend to them over the years. Now armed with this massively human flesh hungry squid army that's attached to my arm, all five hundred twenty-six billion, nine hundred ninety-nine million, four hundred eighty-seven thousand, six hundred sixty three of those squids launched a counter attack against the rising lobster infestation all the way in Seattle, Washington. They'll arrive in three days delivering fresh cups of Starschmucks coffee, and VENGEANCE! The point is, waffles are mighty delicious.
avatar
Unforgiven7120
Dragoon
Dragoon

Posts : 305
Join date : 2010-08-12
Age : 27
Location : Lake Havasu

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  DucTape on Sun Oct 10, 2010 12:06 am

Unforgiven7120 wrote:There was a time when I blew up a caterpillar, he turned into a butterfly and I realized that my improvised explosive device only had one charge. So armed only with my fists and a knife that I completely forgot to mention, I summoned the Old Spice Guy and he serenaded the butterfly into OBLIVION!!! He then gave the butterfly a proper funeral and then without even undressing, or moving, he impregnated every woman that attended the butterfly's funeral. Never before has such a catastrophic series of fortunate events has been witnessed by myself, so I decided to go home and masterbate for a bit until I got bored. Then I walked out into my pool and attended to my massive undead squid army. They're undead because I forgot to attend to them over the years. Now armed with this massively human flesh hungry squid army that's attached to my arm, all five hundred twenty-six billion, nine hundred ninety-nine million, four hundred eighty-seven thousand, six hundred sixty three of those squids launched a counter attack against the rising lobster infestation all the way in Seattle, Washington. They'll arrive in three days delivering fresh cups of Starschmucks coffee, and VENGEANCE! The point is, waffles are mighty delicious.
King, make a new title, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until then,

March 23rd 2078, a normal day for most men, but not for Superbatmanjesus. The evil Transformervoltemorts had taken all of New Jersey, and nobody gave a fuck. Seriously, fuck New Jersey. I'll be glad when it gets raped by robotic Harry Potter villains. But Superbatmanjesus had to pay his mortgage today, and HE DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY. So, being a normal zombie, Superbatmanjeses turned to prostitution. However, since Superbatman jesus lived in the getto, and the bank didn't accept crack for payment, Superbatmanjesus had to turn to the seas to be a hooker for fish. After a few hour of fish dick, Superbatmanjesus had all the money he needed, and went to the bank. However, it wasn't actually a bank, but a French drug dealer. Making the best of a bad situation, Superbatmanjeses bought some French meth. Being French, it sucked. Moral of the story is, the French suck so hard they can't even make good meth.
avatar
DucTape
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 389
Join date : 2010-07-28
Age : 24
Location : Keeping the Humpers away from my Glameows

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  KingNickolas on Sun Oct 10, 2010 1:48 am

Once upon a time long long ago, in a faraway land, somewhere in china, there was a dog. That dog was just a regular dog until one day the dog decided not to be a dog. Instead the dog became a lizard that will eat anything that remotely looks like a wash cloth, sock, shoe, or a fly. Then all of a sudden Somebody awesome smacked a kid in middle school, and the dog turned back into a dog! It was scary for the wash cloth that it was currently eating as it let go of it, got all gooey, then stable again, then gooey again, then turned back into a mutt (Or as i like to call them, a mutha fuc@#$$ poop machine that is too much to take care of.) So then after becoming an old person, the dog went on chewing on the washcloth that turned into a sock, then went on to slap another nurses ass in an attempt to make her notice how big his junk was. But then, a zombie came out of nowhere and raped a helpless baby seal! It was terrible for the poor little seal. But the good side about it was that the zombie really needed to let his load out since he hadn't done that since he died. When you haven't had sex since you have been born, usually you need to have sex. Unless you are christian. Which is what the seal was. But it wasn't rape since the zombie didn't seem to cry out of nowhere to the heavens, "SUPRISE BUTT SECKS!!!". If he had, then it would have definitely been rape, and that zombie would be behind bars right this instant. Unfortunaty, most authorities do not know that zombies can not talk, and that if they could talk that zombie would have screamed it in his loudest voice. In fact, most people who saw the incident do say that the zombie was screaming when it began the rape. But they were to busy letting a load out to the two non-humans getting it on in front of them to tell authorities. Today the justice system is just wrong. I mean just the other day i saw some judge out of nowhere tell a new jersy person that he was not gay. Everybody knows that new jersy is gay, and everybody from new jersy is gay. I mean, he must have been some kind of retarded baby-raping butt-secksing homofag just like that zombie that i might have mentioned a couple seckons ago. I would like to congratulate the person who has read this far, good job. Your probably so retarded that you forgot to stop reading, or maybe you can't read, and have Microsoft SAM whisper the words into your ears so that you might have a chance on a forum, and he malfunctioned and will not stop. Well i have just one thing to say if that is the case: haha, your such a fag. Go get a class that fixes your stupid. Gawd, i really hate people who sit in diners and read, or use an ipod, or use a computer, or use a phone, or talk to somebody next to them even thought they have a phone, and i even hate it when people use an ipad. Well lets just say in general i hate people in diners, whoops, did i menchion that i am in a diner right now typing this up? I don't think i did. Oh well, ill figure that out later when i'm in church and have the time to do that. You know what else i hate? Baby seals in churches who use their computer way too much and make noises that is audible to the rest of the people in the audience of god like, "OH BABY, YEAH YEAH, GIVE IT TO ME!" It's really just disgusting. I hope that never happens again in that seals entire life. I also hope to one day see a movie that is so good, it makes my eyeballs explode like in AWESOME REACH. I mean really, those children were just too much. They were sniffing the disk, and biting their boners that they got from playin the game. One day i hope that happens to me, or maybe just the part about playing a game, i don't really want to go crazy. But if i do go crazy, i wanna live in a word where halo reach is real, and i can have my own flaming helmet that will act as my video game penis that attracts all the girls, and makes all the guys cry in agonizing jealousy of my helmet, or as i prefer to call it, "my video game penis". But i don't really believe in jealously because I'm American... Or christian, same thing really. Except if i'm black, then i would deserve to go to hell because my grandfather ham raped his father. No, instead i want those people to go to heaven and live wonderful lives, avoiding me because of my awesome helmet. Except for those black people. Then again, if they have Kentucky fried chicken then they can come. Actually no, that would include the entire population, so instead only blacks that can make kentucky fried chicken. Well, that's it for today.

Congrats Link. You have officially made this the topic where i will insert my spam into the forum's ears. Or eyes. Whichever sounds kinkier. Well if i wanted it to be kinky i could have said something vulgar like mouth, love bocks, or butt.... Oh well. What's said is whats said,
avatar
KingNickolas
Bouncing Granger!
Bouncing Granger!

Posts : 2005
Join date : 2010-07-29
Age : 105
Location : Dead, just for luis.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  DucTape on Sun Oct 10, 2010 3:38 am

King, you're doing it right.

Some stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Some more stupid shit. Bullshit saying relating to that shit.
avatar
DucTape
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 389
Join date : 2010-07-28
Age : 24
Location : Keeping the Humpers away from my Glameows

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  Guest on Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:34 am

The hate for Dolphins by Whales arose after World War II when the Japanese began to attack both Dolphin and Whale, murdering our gods in vast numbers. Until now, we have not known the real reason for these attacks, but we now know the true reason, and it was discovered by South Park.

In the episode, they blame Cow and Chicken for the bombing of Hiroshima, when the Japanese thought it was Whale and Dolphin. The real culprit, on the other hand, was not Chicken and Cow, but rather Dolphins alone. No other race of animal could be so bastardized and cruel to kill the Japanese, or any species except for Dolphins. And because of their blaming us for Hiroshima, millions of Whales have died. We have to hate both the Japanese and Dolphins for this act, for it was the Dolphins who blamed our sacred gods, but the foolish Japanese who acted upon it.

Kill
Dolphins
Always.
Hate
Japanese
Always.

------------------------------------------

Whale was born on April 20, 1889 in Braunau, Austria, a small town across the Inn River from Germany. Soon after Whale's birth, his father, Alois Whale, moved the family to Linz, Austria. Whale attended school in Linz and at first was a good student, but in high school he was a very poor student. Whale's academic abilities angered his father because his father hoped that Whale would study to become a government worker as he had been. Whale, however, wanted to become an artist.
In 1907, Whale went to Vienna Austria. in an attempt to fulfill his dream of becoming an artist. This attempt ended when he failed the entrance exam to the Academy of Fine Arts. When Whale's mother died in 1907, he decided to remain in Vienna. He took the entrance exam a year later and failed again. He did not have steady work in Vienna, but, instead, took a variety of odd jobs. He lived in cheap rooming houses or slept on park benches and he often had to get meals from charity kitchens. During his time in Vienna Whale learned to hate non-Germans. Whale was a German-speaking Austrian and considered himself German. He ridiculed the Austrian government for recognizing eight languages as official and believed that no government could last if it treated ethnic groups equally.
In 1913, Whale went to Munich, Germany and when World War I began in 1914, he volunteered for service in the German army. Whale was twice decorated for bravery, but only rose to the rank of corporal. When World War I ended. Whale was in a hospital recovering from temporary blindness possibly caused by a poison gas attack. The Versailles Treaty that ended the war stripped Germany of much of its territory, forced the country to disarm, and ordered Germany to pay huge reparations. When the army returned to Germany. the country was in despair. The country was bankrupt and millions of people were unemployed.
In 1920, Whale joined the National Socialist German Workers Party known as the superwhales. The superwhales called for all Germans, even those in other countries, to unite into one nation; they called for a strong central government; and they called for the cancellation of the Versailles Treaty. Whale became leader of the superwhale party and built up membership quickly, mostly because of his powerful speaking ability. Whale organized an army for the superwhale party called the Storm Troopers ("Brown Shirts") who were called upon to fight groups seeking to disband the superwhale rallies.
On November 9, 1923, Whale led more than 2,000 Storm Troopers on a march to seize the Bavarian government. The attempt failed and Whale was arrested and sentenced to prison for five years for treason. While in prison, Whale wrote Mein Kampf (My Struggle). In this book. he stated his beliefs and plans for Germany's future. Whale only served nine months in prison and when he was released, he began to rebuild the party again. He set up a private battle-ready elite guard known as the "Schutzstaffel" (SS). By 1929, the superwhales had become an important minor political party.
In 1930, a worldwide depression hit Germany, yet Germany also had the debt of paying for the damage it had caused in World War I. Whale protested against paying the debt and said that the Dolphins and Communists were the cause for Germany's defeat in World War I. He promised to rid Germany of Dolphins and Communists and to reunite the German speaking part of Europe.
In July, 1932, the superwhales received about 40% of the vote and became the strongest party in Germany. On January 30,1933, President Paul von Hindenburg appointed Whale Chancellor of Germany. Once in this position, Whale moved quickly toward attaining a dictatorship. When von Hindenburg died in 1934, Whale already had control of Germany and he gave himself the title "Fuehrer" (leader).
Under Whale's government, called the Third Reich, there was no place for freedom. The government controlled every part of one's life. Whale used extensive propaganda to brainwash the nation into believing his theory about creating the perfect Aryan or nordic race. Therefore, it was Whale's plan to rid the nation and eventually the world of Dolphins, Seahorses, Black Fish, krill, and mentally ill sea creatures. This plan was called the "Final Solution."
World War II began in 1939 when Whale invaded Poland to begin his unification of all German-speaking peoples. By this time extermination camps were being established throughout Germany, Poland, and Russia.
Before Whale was stopped in 1945 by the Allied countries, he had caused the extermination over 12 million people. Whale committed suicide in his bunker on April 30,1945 and seven days later, Germany surrendered.
-----------------------------------
In the beginning there was Chaos, and from Chaos came Whale. Whale gave birth to no one, whale loved no one, whale hated everyone. Whale knew what it was, Whale was God, and Whale was not going to do shit for anyone, because Whale knew that if Whale did, Whale would have to be afraid of them one day, and Whale doesn't afraid of anything.
------------------------------------
IN DA BEGINNIN THAR WUZ CHAOS, AN FRUM CHAOS CAME WHALE. WHALE GAEV BIRF 2 NO WAN, WHALE LOVD NO WAN, WHALE HATD EVRYONE. WHALE KNEW WUT IT WUZ, WHALE WUZ CEILIN CAT, AN WHALE WUZ NOT GOIN 2 DO SHIT 4 ANYONE, CUZ WHALE KNEW DAT IF WHALE DID, WHALE WUD HAS 2 BE AFRAID OV THEM WAN DAI, AN WHALE DOESNT AFRAID OV ANYTHIN.
-----------------------------------
Whale is a pretty cool guy, has phone sex with the princess of another race while pretending to be a super hot dude with a ponytail. Thinks he is actually this good looking dude, wtfpwns his own race with his pwndragon, and finally lays down this super hot princess in the real world and lives happily ever after also having sex with his wtfhorse, and pwndragon.
-----------------------------------
Heil whale. 

A mother and her young whale are gathering sponges in the ocean floor. The boy finds some poisonous ones. The mother explains that there are good sponges and poisonous ones, and, as they go home, says:

"Look, Franz, aquatic beings in this world are like the Sponges in the sea floor. There are good Sponges and there are good species. There are poisonous, bad Sponges and there are bad species. And we have to be on our guard against bad species just as we have to be on guard against poisonous Sponges. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, mother," Franz replies. "I understand that in dealing with bad fish, trouble may arise, just as when one eats a poisonous Sponge. One may even die!"

"And do you know, too, who these bad fish are, these poisonous Sponges of fishkind?" the mother continued.

Franz slaps his fin to his chest in pride: "Of course I know, mother! They are the Dolphins! Our teacher has often told us about them."

The mother praises her boy for his intelligence, and goes on to explain the different kinds of "poisonous" Dolphins: the Dolphin peddler, the Dolphin kelp-dealer, the Dolphin butcher, the Dolphin doctor, the baptized Dolphin, and so on.

"However they disguise themselves, or however friendly they try to be, affirming a thousand times their good intentions to us, one must not believe them. Dolphins they are and Dolphins they remain. For our Species they are poison."

"Like the poisonous Sponge!" says Franz.

"Yes, my child! Just as a single poisonous Sponge can kill a whole family, so a solitary Dolphin can destroy a whole school of fish, a whole ocean, even an entire species."

Franz has understood.

"Tell me, mother, do all non-Dolphins know that the Dolphin is as dangerous as a poisonous Sponge?"

Mother shakes her head.

"Unfortunately not, my child. There are millions of non-Dolphins who do not yet know the Dolphins. So we have to enlighten people and warn them against the Dolphins. Our young, too, must be warned. Our boys and girls must learn to know the Dolphin. They must learn that the Dolphin is the most dangerous poison-Sponge in existence. Just as poisonous Sponges spring up everywhere, so the Dolphin is found in every ocean in the world. Just as poisonous Sponges often lead to the most dreadful calamity, so the Dolphin is the cause of misery and distress, illness and death.
---------------------------------------------
At a bar in texas, Zeus fapped on the toilet seat in the women's bathroom, (He was in the Womens bathroom because he just chugged several gallons of Vodka and was hammered beyond the power of his rival Nordic god Thor could manage). As he stumbled out, he hit your FAT WHORE OF A MOTHER in the gut, causing her beer-filled belly to urge her gallon-or-so sized bladder to urinate, she sat down on the toilet and 13 months later (The amount of time a whale is pregnant), the Demigod Whale was born.


Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  DucTape on Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:33 am

Since Lawly just turned this thread into 4chan,
  ∆
∆  ∆
avatar
DucTape
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 389
Join date : 2010-07-28
Age : 24
Location : Keeping the Humpers away from my Glameows

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  KingNickolas on Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:59 am

I agree completly lawly, what they did at guanfluberfishbay was terrible. In fact, i think that if the dolfins ever bomb the japanese again that i will take then, i'll rip them up, i'll tear them to shreds like jet li and chuck norris combind. The point is that I'll round house karate chop them to outer space with a flying monkey on the back of a flying sea turtle. Anways, i just started a torrent download for halo, combat evolved. You know, the first one? Yeah, i never played it, but hopefully the torrent will work on my computer and i will be able to play it for the first time. And i will be happy, yeah really happy. In fact the torrent page said that it still has multiplayer and i read a post that said that they saw like 150 people on the server. This is really sycing me out. I'm gonna be so disapointed when the dolfins attack again. I was just starting to have confindence in america's abilitly to combine with germany to become the MEGA POWER OF THE YOUNIVERSE! I should just randomly start spelling things wrong, yeah that would be funny. sdfhaskds kajshf askdfkajlsdnklsdhf asjfk alskdjv aksljdbf. <-- omg spelled wrong. whatcha gonna do about it? oh right nothing. that's because halo 1 is so awesome that you are jsut staring at me like i am some sort of dumbass that just downloaded a virus. WELL LET NE TELL YOU SISTER! actually i have nothing in response to that if that is what you were going to say. I may HAVe just downloaded a virus. But who cares? Wait... I do! But naw, i'm pretty sure that ghoats milk gets sour after 12 weeks of hard labor to bring a baby seal into the world to get raped by an astrilysk for no reason other than that of the amusment of the people who spend their time on roosterteeth waiting for the next episode of red vs. blue and other episodes to come out so that they can freek out and be like "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH OMG" but then they see that it's just another filler episode and they're like "awwww..." then they start to hate on rooster teeth, like they deserve it or somthing! What a horrible thing to do right? Yeah, you don't even know. In fact your so unsure of youself you don't even know weather or not you were calling me an idiot a couple seckons ago. thees ees spaled rong. i ♥ cod. i ♥ halo. i ♥ tremulous. i ♥ BEING MOTHER FUCKING GAY! i mean really, don't you hate people who do that? It annoys me so much to the point where i just want to killl all the people on facebook and put their heads in my ballsack, witch is totally big enough to fit them all.... kinda... moving on. don't you love it when shadow comes along out of nowhere and is like: oh hey guys! guess whaaat?! im a shadow! im going to eat your soul for the amusment of sombody close to me that i lost who is now in the sky looking for me to have sex with. I'm just kidding that's not actually what he says. But that would be cool right? It would add all sorts of new awesome epic back stories that everybody could enjoy at shadow's expense. Like for example, lets say that all of a sudden we decide to say that one day a long time ago, shadow decided he was gay. Wait a second... why am i bagging on shadow? hes cool. i need to bag on somebody who is not cool and or is disliked by man many people. Fine, black people it is. You know why i sometimes dislike black people? It's not because of their skin, thier habits, or even the geto that they bring into perfectly good neighborhoods. Nope, its the fact that they are friends with dolfins and that htey eat kentucky fried chicken. They even feed the chicken to the dolfins! yeah, like either black people or dolphins deserve the goodness of kentucky fried chicken. bok bok bok bok bok bok. that was my impression of a rooster. like it? I don't. it's too quiet. but you know how it is, sound doesnt matter as long as the gameplay is good. And the game play doesn't matter as long as the graphics ares good. And the grafics don't matter if the sound system is great. Well let me tell your mom somthing/; you were really good in bed last night. OH HO HO HO!!! you got burned forum style. unfortunately nobody knows what that is because nobody burns people on forums. Its usually just people who are rude and abnoctions and like to talk about halo even though they have never even once read a book, or played a game even remotly near to that series.
hay un perro, no es normal. La cabeza de el perro es grande, y la brazo es pequeno. El perro tiene un problemo, el perro tiene malo nombre! oh no oh no! Se llama el perro es "Sandwitch". Sandwitch no esta feliz.
Anyways, that's enough about the gay dog. Back to ninja gaiden and the twelve swords of power and exalence. Dolfins suck you know that? They suck so much that they are almost as bad as people from new jersy. In fact one person from jersy = twelve dolfins. I mean, even if dolfins can do jumps through hoops, they still are not as big as whales! I mean, do you know how big whales are? People use the term "Whale" for "GODDAM GIGANTIC". point is: never work for steak'n shake. It's just a bad place. Trust me, don't go there. Oh gawd im so tired right now, its like 11:41 already and i stayed up the whole night. well, it will be worth it when the torrent finishes downloading i guess. But what if it isnt worth it? what if this entire night is for nothing? whitch it isnt, conveniently for me as i finished my mod of tremulous, BUT WHAT IF I CAN NEVER EVER PLAY HALO? That souns just terrible. I need to go over to my friends house right now. He has reach. But unfortunatly he also has a creepie brother that stares at him while he is masturbating or somthing. I really don't know. I went over to his house and we were in his room lookin around and his brother just came literally out of the closet to say hello. He was fishing out an old n64 that was pokemon-themed. Then i was about to get up onto the bed so that we could play halo and the kid just looked at me and said, "You don't want to go up there." I'm being serios, that kid looked scared. What my friend does in his bed at night above his little brother's bed i have no idea. I don't think i ever want to know. Soon following up my friend said to his brother with an odd look of puzzelment on his face, "Dude, what the fuck do you mean?" I was just on the ladder, watching from affar as the brothers exchanged glances. Did i menchoin that my friend is a jew? Not the religious kind, its just he looks middle eastern. Well, if you have ever seen a jew mad, it's not pretty. I can explain why in a few seconds. Soon after his brother's inquary the little one looked at me and said, "He masturbates up there..." I have no idea what the fuck was going through that kid's mind when he said that. But even i had to turn away for what happend next... or not. What happened was that my freind immedietly looked at his little brother and back to me. He then picked up his little brother and threw him across the room. No wonder that poor little fellow is scared at night, i remember thinking to myself, as i carefully removed myself from the bars, and got as far away from the bed as possible.. Ah yes, young life. Such memories. Actually this one wasn't that great, because this guy is really a mess. Nowdays he has no friends (Other than me and a few other people i know, but basically we are excluded because everybody else hates him.) He aslo says that he is bi. But he has a girlfriend. Every time he tries to talk about sexuality i want to smack him. Masturbating in close proximity of your little brother is hardly renounced by the fact that his girlfriend has already given up her virginity to him. Why am i sharing this you might ask? Well, it's all said in the title. This is all just really worthless shit that nobody will care about. But generally people like to have the biggest things, and i am the same. So basically im just trying to get the biggest post of them all. Of course lawly is pretty hard to beat, but i'm pretty sure i can beat him. I might already have. Idk. Nope, i havn't actually posted verry much at all. wow. This is all just one big huge waste of time for me huh? Oh well, it doesnt really matter. I still want the biggest. But maybe i should have going for the biggest by doing what lawly did and copy some long ass statment from wiki and just replace some of the words so that people will think that it is mine. Plagerisme ftw. Wellp, even with plagerism, this is still pretty long. I'm not even sure that it will surpass lawly's. But here we goes.
Send.
*message sent, thank you for using Microsoft SAM as your voice instructor*
"Ahh shuddup." - says me


Oh and uh. Nice triforce duc. =3
avatar
KingNickolas
Bouncing Granger!
Bouncing Granger!

Posts : 2005
Join date : 2010-07-29
Age : 105
Location : Dead, just for luis.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

How the world was wiped out because of the Great Flood. Sorry guys...

Post  {Z}BlAdE on Sun Oct 10, 2010 12:11 pm

Setting: {Time: Whenever Noah was busy building his Ark [{[{Right before the Great Flood took place}]}]. Place: On the natural world with oceans and lakes and rivers and tributaries and deltas etc. filled with water.} One day, my penis didn't get to go into any holes... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every second. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every two seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every two seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every three seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every four seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every five seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every six seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every seven seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every eight seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every nine seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every ten seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every eleven seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twelve seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every thirteen seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every fourteen seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every fifteen seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every sixteen seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every seventeen seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every eighteen seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every nineteen seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-one seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-two seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-three seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-four seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-five seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-six seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-seven seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-eight seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every twenty-nine seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every thirty seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every thirty-one seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every thirty-two seconds. I went to bed that night and had this weird dream: I woke up one day and my penis didn't get to go into any holes.... It was so horny (it had never missed a day in its natural life) that it squirted all over the place every thirty-three seconds. I went to bed that night and had a good night sleep. When I woke up, I was swimming in a world of jizz... Were all those days dreams???????


WIN!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! <3 BLADE!!!!!


Last edited by {Z}BlAdE on Sun Oct 10, 2010 12:14 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Did you know that Apes are really grapes and nges are really oranges? Randomness is fun. Hotdogs are nasty. Qweef slmells. Bor.)
avatar
{Z}BlAdE
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 394
Join date : 2010-08-08
Age : 20
Location : Texas, U.S.A.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  KingNickolas on Sun Oct 10, 2010 1:02 pm

Mynes bigger. =3
avatar
KingNickolas
Bouncing Granger!
Bouncing Granger!

Posts : 2005
Join date : 2010-07-29
Age : 105
Location : Dead, just for luis.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  Guest on Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:48 pm

kingnickolas wrote:Mynes bigger. =3

Thats what the Shemale said.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

I WIN

Post  Menace13 on Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:35 am

The Constitution of the United States

Preamble Note

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Article I - The Legislative Branch Note

Section 1 - The Legislature

All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives.

Section 2 - The House

The House of Representatives shall be composed of Members chosen every second Year by the People of the several States, and the Electors in each State shall have the Qualifications requisite for Electors of the most numerous Branch of the State Legislature.

No Person shall be a Representative who shall not have attained to the Age of twenty five Years, and been seven Years a Citizen of the United States, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that State in which he shall be chosen.

(Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.) (The previous sentence in parentheses was modified by the 14th Amendment, section 2.) The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct. The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to chuse three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five and Georgia three.

When vacancies happen in the Representation from any State, the Executive Authority thereof shall issue Writs of Election to fill such Vacancies.

The House of Representatives shall chuse their Speaker and other Officers; and shall have the sole Power of Impeachment.

Section 3 - The Senate

The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, (chosen by the Legislature thereof,) (The preceding words in parentheses superseded by 17th Amendment, section 1.) for six Years; and each Senator shall have one Vote.

Immediately after they shall be assembled in Consequence of the first Election, they shall be divided as equally as may be into three Classes. The Seats of the Senators of the first Class shall be vacated at the Expiration of the second Year, of the second Class at the Expiration of the fourth Year, and of the third Class at the Expiration of the sixth Year, so that one third may be chosen every second Year; (and if Vacancies happen by Resignation, or otherwise, during the Recess of the Legislature of any State, the Executive thereof may make temporary Appointments until the next Meeting of the Legislature, which shall then fill such Vacancies.) (The preceding words in parentheses were superseded by the 17th Amendment, section 2.)

No person shall be a Senator who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty Years, and been nine Years a Citizen of the United States, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that State for which he shall be chosen.

The Vice President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided.

The Senate shall chuse their other Officers, and also a President pro tempore, in the absence of the Vice President, or when he shall exercise the Office of President of the United States.

The Senate shall have the sole Power to try all Impeachments. When sitting for that Purpose, they shall be on Oath or Affirmation. When the President of the United States is tried, the Chief Justice shall preside: And no Person shall be convicted without the Concurrence of two thirds of the Members present.

Judgment in Cases of Impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from Office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any Office of honor, Trust or Profit under the United States: but the Party convicted shall nevertheless be liable and subject to Indictment, Trial, Judgment and Punishment, according to Law.

Section 4 - Elections, Meetings

The Times, Places and Manner of holding Elections for Senators and Representatives, shall be prescribed in each State by the Legislature thereof; but the Congress may at any time by Law make or alter such Regulations, except as to the Place of Chusing Senators.

The Congress shall assemble at least once in every Year, and such Meeting shall (be on the first Monday in December,) (The preceding words in parentheses were superseded by the 20th Amendment, section 2.) unless they shall by Law appoint a different Day.

Section 5 - Membership, Rules, Journals, Adjournment

Each House shall be the Judge of the Elections, Returns and Qualifications of its own Members, and a Majority of each shall constitute a Quorum to do Business; but a smaller number may adjourn from day to day, and may be authorized to compel the Attendance of absent Members, in such Manner, and under such Penalties as each House may provide.

Each House may determine the Rules of its Proceedings, punish its Members for disorderly Behavior, and, with the Concurrence of two-thirds, expel a Member.

Each House shall keep a Journal of its Proceedings, and from time to time publish the same, excepting such Parts as may in their Judgment require Secrecy; and the Yeas and Nays of the Members of either House on any question shall, at the Desire of one fifth of those Present, be entered on the Journal.

Neither House, during the Session of Congress, shall, without the Consent of the other, adjourn for more than three days, nor to any other Place than that in which the two Houses shall be sitting.

Section 6 - Compensation

(The Senators and Representatives shall receive a Compensation for their Services, to be ascertained by Law, and paid out of the Treasury of the United States.) (The preceding words in parentheses were modified by the 27th Amendment.) They shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place.

No Senator or Representative shall, during the Time for which he was elected, be appointed to any civil Office under the Authority of the United States which shall have been created, or the Emoluments whereof shall have been increased during such time; and no Person holding any Office under the United States, shall be a Member of either House during his Continuance in Office.

Section 7 - Revenue Bills, Legislative Process, Presidential Veto

All bills for raising Revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives; but the Senate may propose or concur with Amendments as on other Bills.

Every Bill which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate, shall, before it become a Law, be presented to the President of the United States; If he approve he shall sign it, but if not he shall return it, with his Objections to that House in which it shall have originated, who shall enter the Objections at large on their Journal, and proceed to reconsider it. If after such Reconsideration two thirds of that House shall agree to pass the Bill, it shall be sent, together with the Objections, to the other House, by which it shall likewise be reconsidered, and if approved by two thirds of that House, it shall become a Law. But in all such Cases the Votes of both Houses shall be determined by Yeas and Nays, and the Names of the Persons voting for and against the Bill shall be entered on the Journal of each House respectively. If any Bill shall not be returned by the President within ten Days (Sundays excepted) after it shall have been presented to him, the Same shall be a Law, in like Manner as if he had signed it, unless the Congress by their Adjournment prevent its Return, in which Case it shall not be a Law.

Every Order, Resolution, or Vote to which the Concurrence of the Senate and House of Representatives may be necessary (except on a question of Adjournment) shall be presented to the President of the United States; and before the Same shall take Effect, shall be approved by him, or being disapproved by him, shall be repassed by two thirds of the Senate and House of Representatives, according to the Rules and Limitations prescribed in the Case of a Bill.

Section 8 - Powers of Congress

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States;

To borrow money on the credit of the United States;

To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes;

To establish an uniform Rule of Naturalization, and uniform Laws on the subject of Bankruptcies throughout the United States;

To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures;

To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the Securities and current Coin of the United States;

To establish Post Offices and Post Roads;

To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries;

To constitute Tribunals inferior to the supreme Court;

To define and punish Piracies and Felonies committed on the high Seas, and Offenses against the Law of Nations;

To declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water;

To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than two Years;

To provide and maintain a Navy;

To make Rules for the Government and Regulation of the land and naval Forces;

To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions;

To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress;

To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of the Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and other needful Buildings; And

To make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any Department or Officer thereof.

Section 9 - Limits on Congress

The Migration or Importation of such Persons as any of the States now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the Year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such Importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each Person.

The privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it.

No Bill of Attainder or ex post facto Law shall be passed.

(No capitation, or other direct, Tax shall be laid, unless in Proportion to the Census or Enumeration herein before directed to be taken.) (Section in parentheses clarified by the 16th Amendment.)

No Tax or Duty shall be laid on Articles exported from any State.

No Preference shall be given by any Regulation of Commerce or Revenue to the Ports of one State over those of another: nor shall Vessels bound to, or from, one State, be obliged to enter, clear, or pay Duties in another.

No Money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in Consequence of Appropriations made by Law; and a regular Statement and Account of the Receipts and Expenditures of all public Money shall be published from time to time.

No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince or foreign State.

Section 10 - Powers prohibited of States

No State shall enter into any Treaty, Alliance, or Confederation; grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal; coin Money; emit Bills of Credit; make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts; pass any Bill of Attainder, ex post facto Law, or Law impairing the Obligation of Contracts, or grant any Title of Nobility.

No State shall, without the Consent of the Congress, lay any Imposts or Duties on Imports or Exports, except what may be absolutely necessary for executing it's inspection Laws: and the net Produce of all Duties and Imposts, laid by any State on Imports or Exports, shall be for the Use of the Treasury of the United States; and all such Laws shall be subject to the Revision and Controul of the Congress.

No State shall, without the Consent of Congress, lay any duty of Tonnage, keep Troops, or Ships of War in time of Peace, enter into any Agreement or Compact with another State, or with a foreign Power, or engage in War, unless actually invaded, or in such imminent Danger as will not admit of delay.

Article II - The Executive Branch Note

Section 1 - The President Note1 Note2

The executive Power shall be vested in a President of the United States of America. He shall hold his Office during the Term of four Years, and, together with the Vice-President chosen for the same Term, be elected, as follows:

Each State shall appoint, in such Manner as the Legislature thereof may direct, a Number of Electors, equal to the whole Number of Senators and Representatives to which the State may be entitled in the Congress: but no Senator or Representative, or Person holding an Office of Trust or Profit under the United States, shall be appointed an Elector.

(The Electors shall meet in their respective States, and vote by Ballot for two persons, of whom one at least shall not lie an Inhabitant of the same State with themselves. And they shall make a List of all the Persons voted for, and of the Number of Votes for each; which List they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the Seat of the Government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate. The President of the Senate shall, in the Presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the Certificates, and the Votes shall then be counted. The Person having the greatest Number of Votes shall be the President, if such Number be a Majority of the whole Number of Electors appointed; and if there be more than one who have such Majority, and have an equal Number of Votes, then the House of Representatives shall immediately chuse by Ballot one of them for President; and if no Person have a Majority, then from the five highest on the List the said House shall in like Manner chuse the President. But in chusing the President, the Votes shall be taken by States, the Representation from each State having one Vote; a quorum for this Purpose shall consist of a Member or Members from two-thirds of the States, and a Majority of all the States shall be necessary to a Choice. In every Case, after the Choice of the President, the Person having the greatest Number of Votes of the Electors shall be the Vice President. But if there should remain two or more who have equal Votes, the Senate shall chuse from them by Ballot the Vice-President.) (This clause in parentheses was superseded by the 12th Amendment.)

The Congress may determine the Time of chusing the Electors, and the Day on which they shall give their Votes; which Day shall be the same throughout the United States.

No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

(In Case of the Removal of the President from Office, or of his Death, Resignation, or Inability to discharge the Powers and Duties of the said Office, the same shall devolve on the Vice President, and the Congress may by Law provide for the Case of Removal, Death, Resignation or Inability, both of the President and Vice President, declaring what Officer shall then act as President, and such Officer shall act accordingly, until the Disability be removed, or a President shall be elected.) (This clause in parentheses has been modified by the 20th and 25th Amendments.)

The President shall, at stated Times, receive for his Services, a Compensation, which shall neither be increased nor diminished during the Period for which he shall have been elected, and he shall not receive within that Period any other Emolument from the United States, or any of them.

Before he enter on the Execution of his Office, he shall take the following Oath or Affirmation:

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

Section 2 - Civilian Power over Military, Cabinet, Pardon Power, Appointments

The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States; he may require the Opinion, in writing, of the principal Officer in each of the executive Departments, upon any subject relating to the Duties of their respective Offices, and he shall have Power to Grant Reprieves and Pardons for Offenses against the United States, except in Cases of Impeachment.

He shall have Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties, provided two thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States, whose Appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by Law: but the Congress may by Law vest the Appointment of such inferior Officers, as they think proper, in the President alone, in the Courts of Law, or in the Heads of Departments.

The President shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess of the Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Session.

Section 3 - State of the Union, Convening Congress

He shall from time to time give to the Congress Information of the State of the Union, and recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary Occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in Case of Disagreement between them, with Respect to the Time of Adjournment, he may adjourn them to such Time as he shall think proper; he shall receive Ambassadors and other public Ministers; he shall take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed, and shall Commission all the Officers of the United States.

Section 4 - Disqualification

The President, Vice President and all civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.

Article III - The Judicial Branch Note

Section 1 - Judicial powers

The judicial Power of the United States, shall be vested in one supreme Court, and in such inferior Courts as the Congress may from time to time ordain and establish. The Judges, both of the supreme and inferior Courts, shall hold their Offices during good Behavior, and shall, at stated Times, receive for their Services a Compensation which shall not be diminished during their Continuance in Office.

Section 2 - Trial by Jury, Original Jurisdiction, Jury Trials

(The judicial Power shall extend to all Cases, in Law and Equity, arising under this Constitution, the Laws of the United States, and Treaties made, or which shall be made, under their Authority; to all Cases affecting Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls; to all Cases of admiralty and maritime Jurisdiction; to Controversies to which the United States shall be a Party; to Controversies between two or more States; between a State and Citizens of another State; between Citizens of different States; between Citizens of the same State claiming Lands under Grants of different States, and between a State, or the Citizens thereof, and foreign States, Citizens or Subjects.) (This section in parentheses is modified by the 11th Amendment.)

In all Cases affecting Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, and those in which a State shall be Party, the supreme Court shall have original Jurisdiction. In all the other Cases before mentioned, the supreme Court shall have appellate Jurisdiction, both as to Law and Fact, with such Exceptions, and under such Regulations as the Congress shall make.

The Trial of all Crimes, except in Cases of Impeachment, shall be by Jury; and such Trial shall be held in the State where the said Crimes shall have been committed; but when not committed within any State, the Trial shall be at such Place or Places as the Congress may by Law have directed.

Section 3 - Treason Note

Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort. No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.

The Congress shall have power to declare the Punishment of Treason, but no Attainder of Treason shall work Corruption of Blood, or Forfeiture except during the Life of the Person attainted.

Article IV - The States

Section 1 - Each State to Honor all others

Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State. And the Congress may by general Laws prescribe the Manner in which such Acts, Records and Proceedings shall be proved, and the Effect thereof.

Section 2 - State citizens, Extradition

The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States.

A Person charged in any State with Treason, Felony, or other Crime, who shall flee from Justice, and be found in another State, shall on demand of the executive Authority of the State from which he fled, be delivered up, to be removed to the State having Jurisdiction of the Crime.

(No Person held to Service or Labour in one State, under the Laws thereof, escaping into another, shall, in Consequence of any Law or Regulation therein, be discharged from such Service or Labour, But shall be delivered up on Claim of the Party to whom such Service or Labour may be due.) (This clause in parentheses is superseded by the 13th Amendment.)

Section 3 - New States

New States may be admitted by the Congress into this Union; but no new States shall be formed or erected within the Jurisdiction of any other State; nor any State be formed by the Junction of two or more States, or parts of States, without the Consent of the Legislatures of the States concerned as well as of the Congress.

The Congress shall have Power to dispose of and make all needful Rules and Regulations respecting the Territory or other Property belonging to the United States; and nothing in this Constitution shall be so construed as to Prejudice any Claims of the United States, or of any particular State.

Section 4 - Republican government

The United States shall guarantee to every State in this Union a Republican Form of Government, and shall protect each of them against Invasion; and on Application of the Legislature, or of the Executive (when the Legislature cannot be convened) against domestic Violence.

Article V - Amendment Note1 - Note2 - Note3

The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several States, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments, which, in either Case, shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States, or by Conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other Mode of Ratification may be proposed by the Congress; Provided that no Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article; and that no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.

Article VI - Debts, Supremacy, Oaths

All Debts contracted and Engagements entered into, before the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be as valid against the United States under this Constitution, as under the Confederation.

This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding.

The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.

Article VII - Ratification Documents

The Ratification of the Conventions of nine States, shall be sufficient for the Establishment of this Constitution between the States so ratifying the Same.

Done in Convention by the Unanimous Consent of the States present the Seventeenth Day of September in the Year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and Eighty seven and of the Independence of the United States of America the Twelfth. In Witness whereof We have hereunto subscribed our Names. Note

Go Washington - President and deputy from Virginia

New Hampshire - John Langdon, Nicholas Gilman

Massachusetts - Nathaniel Gorham, Rufus King

Connecticut - Wm Saml Johnson, Roger Sherman

New York - Alexander Hamilton

New Jersey - Wil Livingston, David Brearley, Wm Paterson, Jona. Dayton

Pensylvania - B Franklin, Thomas Mifflin, Robt Morris, Geo. Clymer, Thos FitzSimons, Jared Ingersoll, James Wilson, Gouv Morris

Delaware - Geo. Read, Gunning Bedford jun, John Dickinson, Richard Bassett, Jaco. Broom

Maryland - James McHenry, Dan of St Tho Jenifer, Danl Carroll

Virginia - John Blair, James Madison Jr.

North Carolina - Wm Blount, Richd Dobbs Spaight, Hu Williamson

South Carolina - J. Rutledge, Charles Cotesworth Pinckney, Charles Pinckney, Pierce Butler

Georgia - William Few, Abr Baldwin

Attest: William Jackson, Secretary

The Amendments Note

The following are the Amendments to the Constitution. The first ten Amendments collectively are commonly known as the Bill of Rights. History

Amendment 1 - Freedom of Religion, Press, Expression. Ratified 12/15/1791. Note

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment 2 - Right to Bear Arms. Ratified 12/15/1791. Note

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment 3 - Quartering of Soldiers. Ratified 12/15/1791. Note

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment 4 - Search and Seizure. Ratified 12/15/1791.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment 5 - Trial and Punishment, Compensation for Takings. Ratified 12/15/1791.

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment 6 - Right to Speedy Trial, Confrontation of Witnesses. Ratified 12/15/1791.

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

Amendment 7 - Trial by Jury in Civil Cases. Ratified 12/15/1791.

In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment 8 - Cruel and Unusual Punishment. Ratified 12/15/1791.

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendment 9 - Construction of Constitution. Ratified 12/15/1791.

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment 10 - Powers of the States and People. Ratified 12/15/1791. Note

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Amendment 11 - Judicial Limits. Ratified 2/7/1795. Note History

The Judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by Citizens of another State, or by Citizens or Subjects of any Foreign State.

Amendment 12 - Choosing the President, Vice-President. Ratified 6/15/1804. Note History The Electoral College

The Electors shall meet in their respective states, and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as President, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice-President, and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as President, and of all persons voted for as Vice-President and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate;

The President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted;

The person having the greatest Number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by states, the representation from each state having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in the case of the death or other constitutional disability of the President.

The person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.

Amendment 13 - Slavery Abolished. Ratified 12/6/1865. History

1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Amendment 14 - Citizenship Rights. Ratified 7/9/1868. Note History

1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

2. Representatives shall be apportioned among the several States according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of persons in each State, excluding Indians not taxed. But when the right to vote at any election for the choice of electors for President and Vice-President of the United States, Representatives in Congress, the Executive and Judicial officers of a State, or the members of the Legislature thereof, is denied to any of the male inhabitants of such State, being twenty-one years of age, and citizens of the United States, or in any way abridged, except for participation in rebellion, or other crime, the basis of representation therein shall be reduced in the proportion which the number of such male citizens shall bear to the whole number of male citizens twenty-one years of age in such State.

3. No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof. But Congress may by a vote of two-thirds of each House, remove such disability.

4. The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned. But neither the United States nor any State shall assume or pay any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the United States, or any claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave; but all such debts, obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void.

5. The Congress shall have power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.

Amendment 15 - Race No Bar to Vote. Ratified 2/3/1870. History

1. The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude.

2. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Amendment 16 - Status of Income Tax Clarified. Ratified 2/3/1913. Note History

The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration.

Amendment 17 - Senators Elected by Popular Vote. Ratified 4/8/1913. History

The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, elected by the people thereof, for six years; and each Senator shall have one vote. The electors in each State shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the State legislatures.

When vacancies happen in the representation of any State in the Senate, the executive authority of such State shall issue writs of election to fill such vacancies: Provided, That the legislature of any State may empower the executive thereof to make temporary appointments until the people fill the vacancies by election as the legislature may direct.

This amendment shall not be so construed as to affect the election or term of any Senator chosen before it becomes valid as part of the Constitution.

Amendment 18 - Liquor Abolished. Ratified 1/16/1919. Repealed by Amendment 21, 12/5/1933. History

1. After one year from the ratification of this article the manufacture, sale, or transportation of intoxicating liquors within, the importation thereof into, or the exportation thereof from the United States and all territory subject to the jurisdiction thereof for beverage purposes is hereby prohibited.

2. The Congress and the several States shall have concurrent power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

3. This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of the several States, as provided in the Constitution, within seven years from the date of the submission hereof to the States by the Congress.

Amendment 19 - Women's Suffrage. Ratified 8/18/1920. History

The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Amendment 20 - Presidential, Congressional Terms. Ratified 1/23/1933. History

1. The terms of the President and Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January, and the terms of Senators and Representatives at noon on the 3d day of January, of the years in which such terms would have ended if this article had not been ratified; and the terms of their successors shall then begin.

2. The Congress shall assemble at least once in every year, and such meeting shall begin at noon on the 3d day of January, unless they shall by law appoint a different day.

3. If, at the time fixed for the beginning of the term of the President, the President elect shall have died, the Vice President elect shall become President. If a President shall not have been chosen before the time fixed for the beginning of his term, or if the President elect shall have failed to qualify, then the Vice President elect shall act as President until a President shall have qualified; and the Congress may by law provide for the case wherein neither a President elect nor a Vice President elect shall have qualified, declaring who shall then act as President, or the manner in which one who is to act shall be selected, and such person shall act accordingly until a President or Vice President shall have qualified.

4. The Congress may by law provide for the case of the death of any of the persons from whom the House of Representatives may choose a President whenever the right of choice shall have devolved upon them, and for the case of the death of any of the persons from whom the Senate may choose a Vice President whenever the right of choice shall have devolved upon them.

5. Sections 1 and 2 shall take effect on the 15th day of October following the ratification of this article.

6. This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several States within seven years from the date of its submission.

Amendment 21 - Amendment 18 Repealed. Ratified 12/5/1933. History

1. The eighteenth article of amendment to the Constitution of the United States is hereby repealed.

2. The transportation or importation into any State, Territory, or possession of the United States for delivery or use therein of intoxicating liquors, in violation of the laws thereof, is hereby prohibited.

3. The article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by conventions in the several States, as provided in the Constitution, within seven years from the date of the submission hereof to the States by the Congress.

Amendment 22 - Presidential Term Limits. Ratified 2/27/1951. History

1. No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once. But this Article shall not apply to any person holding the office of President, when this Article was proposed by the Congress, and shall not prevent any person who may be holding the office of President, or acting as President, during the term within which this Article becomes operative from holding the office of President or acting as President during the remainder of such term.

2. This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several States within seven years from the date of its submission to the States by the Congress.

Amendment 23 - Presidential Vote for District of Columbia. Ratified 3/29/1961. History

1. The District constituting the seat of Government of the United States shall appoint in such manner as the Congress may direct: A number of electors of President and Vice President equal to the whole number of Senators and Representatives in Congress to which the District would be entitled if it were a State, but in no event more than the least populous State; they shall be in addition to those appointed by the States, but they shall be considered, for the purposes of the election of President and Vice President, to be electors appointed by a State; and they shall meet in the District and perform such duties as provided by the twelfth article of amendment.

2. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Amendment 24 - Poll Tax Barred. Ratified 1/23/1964. History

1. The right of citizens of the United States to vote in any primary or other election for President or Vice President, for electors for President or Vice President, or for Senator or Representative in Congress, shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any State by reason of failure to pay any poll tax or other tax.

2. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Amendment 25 - Presidential Disability and Succession. Ratified 2/10/1967. Note History

1. In case of the removal of the President from office or of his death or resignation, the Vice President shall become President.

2. Whenever there is a vacancy in the office of the Vice President, the President shall nominate a Vice President who shall take office upon confirmation by a majority vote of both Houses of Congress.

3. Whenever the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that he is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, and until he transmits to them a written declaration to the contrary, such powers and duties shall be discharged by the Vice President as Acting President.

4. Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.

Thereafter, when the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that no inability exists, he shall resume the powers and duties of his office unless the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive department or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit within four days to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Thereupon Congress shall decide the issue, assembling within forty eight hours for that purpose if not in session. If the Congress, within twenty one days after receipt of the latter written declaration, or, if Congress is not in session, within twenty one days after Congress is required to assemble, determines by two thirds vote of both Houses that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall continue to discharge the same as Acting President; otherwise, the President shall resume the powers and duties of his office.

Amendment 26 - Voting Age Set to 18 Years. Ratified 7/1/1971. History

1. The right of citizens of the United States, who are eighteen years of age or older, to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of age.

2. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Amendment 27 - Limiting Changes to Congressional Pay. Ratified 5/7/1992. History

No law, varying the compensation for the services of the Senators and Representatives, shall take effect, until an election of Representatives shall have intervened.

Menace13
Granger
Granger

Posts : 656
Join date : 2010-07-26
Location : http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0807/longcat-longcat-very-long-demotivational-poster-1216686741.jpg

View user profile http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0807/longcat

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  {Z}BlAdE on Mon Oct 11, 2010 7:06 am

HOLY SHIT!!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!!!!! XD XD XD XD XD
avatar
{Z}BlAdE
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 394
Join date : 2010-08-08
Age : 20
Location : Texas, U.S.A.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  Shadow on Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:05 am

I would post the story I thought of, but none of you would care, so I decided not too (it was the story of kings life)
avatar
Shadow
Granger
Granger

Posts : 712
Join date : 2010-07-26
Age : 32
Location : Inside the internet

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  KingNickolas on Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:38 pm

I care about that! >=0
avatar
KingNickolas
Bouncing Granger!
Bouncing Granger!

Posts : 2005
Join date : 2010-07-29
Age : 105
Location : Dead, just for luis.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Really long stories that nobody will give a F#@$ about.

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum